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Walking in Grace – Affirming Marriage for All Loving Couples

Presbyteries have now voted YES! The Book of Order of the Presbyterian Church (USA) now includes all loving and committed couples. Amendment 14F was ratified by 51% of our Presbyteries. Marriage is now between “two people.”

 

More Light Presbyterians embarked on this journey decades ago. One man stood up at General Assembly with a sign, “Is anyone else out there Gay?” For decades we struggled, we debated, and then we began to focus on sacred conversations and changed hearts. As we told our stories to each other and to people who had baptized us, the Holy Spirit changed all of us.

 

At first there were a few who were willing to speak out and affirm our blessing as full children of God. As time passed and hearts opened, many people began to walk the path of grace with us as we understood ourselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer Christians. Today, hundreds of thousands of Presbyterians walk side-by-side with us in the full diversity of God’s good creation—and we are ready for the next chapter of our lives together.

 

MLP meme 2Ratification of 14F is not the end of the sacred conversation around marriage and the diversity of humankind, it is part of the journey as we live together as faithful believers in God’s generosity and expansive love.

 

We read scripture and know that God persistently calls people to freedom. God broke the chains of slavery in Exodus. God cried out for generous justice through the prophets. Jesus, walked this earth with an unceasing message of abundance for all God’s beloved. God continues to break through our fears, so we now expect and treasure diversity in our congregations.

 

The words of Galatians 3:28 continue to gain meaning: “There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” If we but look around, we see that God is not simplistic nor uncreative. Humanity is wonderfully diverse and all of us are a wonderful mix of what we think of as masculine and feminine. We are all a reflection of the image of God. Thanks be to God!

 

Let us move forward together, exalting in the beautiful creations of God that each of us is. Today, we celebrate the church as it moves toward abundance, freedom, and appreciation of God’s creativity. As we celebrate that now all loving couples may marry in the Presbyterian Church (USA).

 

We have not “won” a battle by ratifying 14F; we are simply taking the next step on this amazing journey with our beloved family we call the church. We are walking in grace.

 

14F Passes!

MORE LIGHT PRESBYTERIANS Building a Church that reflects God’s heart www.mlp.org

MEDIA RELEASE: March 17, 2015

Media Contact: Ann Craig, 917-280-2968, craignewyork@gmail.com

Washington, DC – Today, Presbyterians approved marriages for same-sex couples in the first ever nationwide, grassroots vote on marriage equality by a faith tradition. The Presbyterian Church, USA now holds that marriage is between “two persons” rather than “a man and a woman.”

“Today, we can bring our whole selves to church,” said Alex McNeill, executive director of More Light Presbyterians. “Ratification is not the end; it is the continuation of ongoing sacred conversations. This is the next step in our long journey to minister to all of our people.”

Last summer, the PC(USA) governing body voted by a 71% vote to change the description of marriage, from between “a man and a woman” to “two persons.” However, the amendment required 51% of the 171 regional bodies called presbyteries to affirm the change. That threshold was crossed as 86 presbyteries voted yes, as of today. The tipping point vote was cast by Palisades Presbytery. The voting will continue through June until every presbytery meets.

“More Light Presbyterians led this nationwide campaign to ratify Amendment 14F in the middle of a conservative push to make religious discrimination a civil right,” McNeill said. “Presbyterians know that love of God and neighbor is, by definition, a call to love and serve people who are different. Faithfulness does not include discrimination in the name of God.”

“This vote is the culmination of decades of selfless service by so many people. More Light empowered courageous Presbyterians to host honest conversations about marriage within their local Presbyteries,” said the Rev. Robin White, Co-Moderator of More Light Presbyterians. “Today we are rejoicing! So many families headed by LGBTQ couples have been waiting for decades to enter this space created for their families within their church communities.”

“After the church’s ruling body first affirmed marriage equality this summer, I finally married my partner in our home church,” said co-moderator, and Ruling Elder Nathan Sobers. “It was a dream deferred for 28 years! I wept when it came true. With this historic vote, the Presbyterian Church welcomes not just our wedding, but our whole family into the church community. I know so many families of LGBTQ people and church members are shedding tears of joy on this historic day!”

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More Light Presbyterians is a national network of Presbyterians working for the full participation of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons in the life, ministry and witness of the Presbyterian Church (USA) and in society.

Yours on the journey,

Alex Patchin McNeill
Executive Director

Mission Accomplished?

There are moments that mark a movement, just as there are moments that mark a life. For me, so many of those moments in the More Light Movement seem intimately embedded in the moments of my own life.

The moment of my birth, for example.

Occurring almost exactly the same time that David Sindt first held up a sign at the Presbyterian General Assembly asking, ‘Is anyone else out there gay?’ A question that launched the lgbt equality movement within the Presbyterian Church. Meaning that my entire life has been marked by the struggle of the More Light movement for justice and equality.

The moment of beginning my ministry within the Presbyterian denomination, for example.

Occurring just two months after the ‘fidelity and chastity’ clause prohibiting lgbt ordination was ratified in our Book of Order. And leading to an agonizing decade of national church ministry with my integrity and my job constantly on the line. And a commitment once I left the national church that I would never again put myself in a professional situation that required me to ‘toe the line’ when it comes to lgbt justice.

The beginning of an interim parish ministry with a congregation of nearly 40% lgbt parishioners, for example.

Occurring just two months after the ‘fidelity and chastity’ clause was removed from the Book of Order. And receiving the prayerful request of my parishioners to officiate their marriages. Which I did with great joy, no matter what the consequences might be.

And now in my fortieth year, beginning a long-term parish ministry with one of the early congregations to join the More Light Movement, with the ratification of marriage equality in our Book of Order, pending this very week.

I almost do not know what to do with myself, now that the final institutional barrier is falling. Now that we demonstrate God’s inclusive love as a movement ‘in compliance’ with our denomination’s policies, rather than ‘in defiance’ of them.

I honestly do not know how to adjust.

I want to celebrate, of course.

To shout ‘alleluia’ from the rooftops, even though it is the Season of Lent.

But I also want to cry for a really long time.

I want to show the world the wounds that have hurt so deeply in this struggle. Yes, for me as an ‘ally,’ but so much more for those for whom this struggle has been personal. For those we have lost. For those we never had the chance to welcome because our very name as a religion spelled ‘do not enter.’

For those I hurt when I was still living ‘in limbo’ as denominational staff with an unethical assignment to ‘represent’ the policies of our church.

And I want to pray.

For guidance as to what to do next. And how to ‘be’ next. And how to love, beyond measure, the church that has finally caught up with Christ’s commandment to ‘love one another, as I have loved you.’

Because if ‘love matters,’ the way we in the More Light Movement have said it does—and I believe it does—we will have to forgive the church for being ‘the church,’ in so much of its messy, mixed-up hurtful ways

And we will have to continue to help it become ‘The Body of Christ.’

So let’s get to work.

gustiWritten by Gusti Linnea Newquist, one of our Regional Coordinators

Advocating for LGBT Equality in the PC(USA)

It was ten years ago that I became an advocate for LGBTQ equality in the PCUSA. I was Clerk of Session at Govans Presbyterian in Baltimore, Maryland, which had been a More Light Church for several decades. Our beloved pastor of 27 years, Jack Sharp, had retired and we had been through a very difficult interim period of two years before calling a new pastor.

At our first session meeting with our new pastor, Tom Harris, he told us that if the Maryland State Legislature approved marriage equality he would be willing to perform weddings for LGBTQ couples and that we needed to know what that meant for our church. He went on to explain about the possibilities of judicial action, losing control of our church and him losing his ordination and I thought “Oh, no, no. We just got this guy. We are not going to lose him” and I said “All we have to do is change the words in the Directory of Worship from ‘man and woman’ to ‘two people’” and that launched my journey.

Rev. Don Stroud of That All May Freely Serve did the work of adapting the parts of the Directory of Worship about marriage from ‘man and woman’ to ‘two people’. This was to be an overture to General Assembly. Tom wrote the rationale. It was approved by our Session, which led to a process of discernment in the Baltimore Presbytery and, happily, the Overture was approved.

I attended my first PCUSA General Assembly in San Jose, CA in 2008. I was the overture advocate for what was called the ‘Baltimore Overture’. I presented before the Committee on Polity. They voted not to approve the overture but they developed a statement saying that the PCUSA needed to study the issue of equal marriage. There was a motion to approve my overture on the plenary floor and it was very exciting to watch the number of people that spoke in support of our overture. However, it did not pass.

I have attended every GA since then. I was an overture advocate for marriage equality in 2010 and 2012. By 2014, my responsibilities as a member of the Executive Board of More Light Presbyterians kept me from serving as an OA but what a thrill it was to be at the Plenary Session and watch those amazing votes happen, all in support of LGBTQ equality and marriage!!!

Working as a regional coordinator to support the ratification of Amendment 14F is the culmination of a journey I began ten years ago. Throughout this journey, I have meant brilliant, amazing people and learned so much from all of them. My passion for LGBTQ equality has become stronger every year. It has been wonderful to share that passion with so many others as we work for the ratification of this historic amendment.

I am no longer a member of the Baltimore Presbytery but am now at Shenandoah, a Presbytery that has been known for its’ conservative views. I was thrilled when Shenandoah voted to support 14F with a total of 99 yes to 79 no! My pastor at Shepherdstown PC is also a passionate supporter of LGBTQ equality. I would like to close this blog with his testimony from the Presbytery gathering which I am sure helped win the vote:

Randy Tremba (Pastor)
In the late 19th century infant baptism was a divisive issue among Christians. Many argued that only believer baptism was valid. Mark Twain, an erstwhile Presbyterian, was once asked if he believed in infant baptism. To which he replied: Believe in it? Hell! I’ve seen it.

When I’m asked if I believe in same sex marriage I can make the same reply. Not only have I seen it but in accordance with the laws of West bygod Virginia (of all places) and by the authority of the GA of PCUSA, I have witnessed and blessed two such marriages in the Shepherdstown Presbyterian Church this past December.

Even without the sanction of the state or the blessing of the church those couples lived faithfully together in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow for years, in one case 25 years—and I can guess there are such people in most of our churches. Over my 40 years of ministry with the Shepherdstown Church I have officiated some 200 weddings—none more joyous, beautiful or holy than those two. The blessings continue to rebound in the larger Shepherdstown community as a testimony to a welcoming church.
I am so grateful the GA authoritative interpretation ruling allowed me to officiate those marriages. I wish all ministers in our beloved church might have the same choice to say YES.

So, onward and upward, faithful Presbyterians who welcome everyone in all aspects of the church! You are making my and many, many others dreams come true!

Written by Jeananne Stine, Regional Coordinatorjeananne

Reflection of Wabash Valley by Marcia Smith-Wood

We’re working hard to enact change in every presbytery and allow the Spirit of God to move in distinct ways.  Here’s one example of just that!

Twenty years ago the Presbytery of Wabash Valley often shed spiritual blood with many sharp and bitter words on issues like inclusion of GLBTQ people.  But most of these angry churches, over the years, have left the PC(USA).

20 years later: this presbytery is very different because of what we have been through.  Nobody wants bloodshed anymore.  We are learning to love each other with Christ’s grace-filled love, no matter how we may disagree on any other issues.  At least we have all hoped this was what was happening in us, as Amendment 14-F came before us.

On February 10, 2015, the Presbytery of Wabash Valley invited all of its churches and all teaching elders to gather for a not-called presbytery assembly, to create a day of exploring the meaning of Amendment 14-F.  About 50 people came, representing the full range of theological perspectives.  Our General Assembly Vice-Moderator also graced this gathering with her presence.  What unfolded was a tone of respectful, prayerful listening to information, a tone of openness to learning, and a tone of speaking honestly and gracefully without a defensive or combative attitude.
Grace was the operative word here.

On this thoughtfully organized and prayerful foundation, the Presbytery of Wabash Valley then gathered for their regularly scheduled called assembly two weeks later, on February 24, to vote on all the Proposed Amendments to the Constitution.   We began the assembly, seated at round tables as usual at our Geneva Center Camp and Conference Center that also houses our presbytery’s offices.  We started with a Bible Study, created by one of our pastors, on the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:20-25.)  At each table, theological and spiritual discussion happened, facilitated by a thoughtful handout.   We got to know those sitting alongside to us, delighting in sharing and listening deeply as we each were gracefully and spiritually stretched by the printed discussion questions.  One of the thoughtful questions was, “Is there anyone the father would not run to embrace?”  The closing question was, “If you were to describe how God celebrates you, how would you express it?”  Humbling territory, challenging us each to try to give and accept God’s grace in a world that lives more by fear and by earning love.  Grace-filled bonds happened with this Bible study.  We ended in prayer, and then presbytery business resumed.

It was after lunch, that the Amendments were voted on.  14-F was last.  The amendment was read.  Then the moderator opened the floor for discussion.
No one came to the microphones.
No one!

We waited.  Amazed.  Stunned.  Feeling a breathless, grace-filled spirit moving… so different than it was even a few years ago.  So different from our presbytery 20 years ago!  Finally one young man, a ruling elder, went to the microphone and made a poignant but not divisive speech in favor of Amendment 14-F, then quietly sat down.  No one else stood up to speak.
Ruling Elder Jill Kitowski, the moderator, called for the vote to be taken by written ballot, but first firmly warned us that no matter what the vote turned out to be, no one was to clap or cheer.  We understood.
The written ballot was taken.

While the ballots were  being counted, it was planned for the Rev. Carol McDonald to fill the time of suspense by playing the piano, leading us in a hymn sing to join our voices and our hearts by singing our shared love of God.  Powerful words were sung/prayed with one voice.  Grace-filled, joyful love kept spreading among us, no matter what the results.

Then the count was brought to the moderator.
A hush settled over us:
78 votes yes.  26 votes no.  1 abstention.
14-F had passed.

No cheers.  No clapping.  We were immediately gathered in prayer.  Grace, healing grace, permeated the room.  Then a Commissioned Ruling Elder, a dear friend of mine, stepped to the microphone.  He gracefully shared that he had not supported the amendment.  But he was standing to publicly and graciously thank our moderator, Jill Kitowski (who had been one of our G.A. commissioners).  He thanked her for coming to his little theologically conservative church at their invitation in order to worship with them, to explain about Amendment 14-F, and to let discussion happen.  This CRE pastor shared how one elder after listening to her, actually changed his mind to agree with Amendment 14-F.  Now my friend just wanted to thank Jill for her gracious presence.
Grace.  Radical grace.
Amendment 14-F passed… but this also happened: deep healing grace and love tangibly passed into all of us.  May it be so for our denomination.

 

Organizing for Change at Shepherdstown Presbyterian Church

I am thrilled to belong to Shepherdstown Presbyterian Church, a warm and welcoming beacon of light in the very conservative Shenandoah Presbytery. I knew that SPC supported LGBTQ rights when I joined. My pastor, Randy Tremba, is the author of The Tremba Letter, which was used in an ad to help achieve ordination for LGBTQ people in 2012. I knew that SPC had spent many hours prayerfully discussing equality for LBTQ members and that the process was respectful and educational for all. Plus, we sing a lot! It is my kind of church!

As an advocate for the full inclusion of the LGBTQ community in all aspects of the PCUSA for the past ten years, I had left my work in the Baltimore Presbytery and was ready to start working for equality in Shenandoah. I was told that Shenandoah Presbytery had never voted to support LGBTQ rights and that it would be shocking if they ever did. I was also told it would not happen in my lifetime.

When the session at SPC appointed me the designated commissioner to attend the stated meetings, I was thrilled. I contacted the Interim Executive Presbyter in ShenPres, Roy Martin, and was delighted to find that he was a respectful and interested listener as we discussed Amendment 14F. His plan was to have two people on either side of the issue have a discussion about the amendment at the stated meeting that would occur before the meeting where we would actually vote on the amendment.

He found two teaching elders who were friends and who share a meal together once a week. They enjoy and respect each other’s company but they were on completely opposite sides of the issue of LGBTQ equality. As I watched these two men discuss and share their views and then answer questions at the meeting, I noted many heads nodding in agreement to a lot of what the minister who supported equal rights was saying. I also talked with many members of the presbytery who were supportive. I was told that many of them were afraid to share their support because they did not want to lose their jobs.

On the day that Shenandoah Presbytery was scheduled to vote on Amendment 14 F, I was sick with the flu. I called my pastor and suggested a fellow parishioner who I knew was supportive and a thoughtful speaker to go in my place. She was able to attend along with my pastor and an honorably retired minister. She was moved to speak at the gathering and here is what she said:

Judy York (Fellow Parishioner)
On Tuesday, my partner of 20 years, Sheila, and I have our first meeting with a wedding planner. No one is more excited about this than our three children.

We have been recognized as a family three times by the State of WV through second parent adoptions. And we have been recognized as a family before God and our community three times through the Sacrament of Baptism. But Sheila and I have waited to get married until we could do it in our State, in our church, with our pastor and the support and blessing of our church community.

Our uncle’s Caucasian grandfather fell in love with an African-American woman over 150 years ago. After the Civil War they slinked off to the northern tip of New York State to get married and live out their days amongst strangers. Sheila and I never wanted this for our life and our marriage.

On the way to school yesterday I told my kids why I would be missing my Valentine’s Day plans with the family to come here. My nine-year old lit up. “Momma,” he said, “Can I come? I want to vote too!” I smiled and patted his leg.   But my eye was drawn to the rear view mirror, where I caught my seven-year-

old daughter in the back seat, head bowed and lip out. Her sadness began to get mixed into a sort of confused rage. “Why is this happening? Does this mean you are not going to have a wedding? I don’t understand.”

I am grateful for this event because it helped me open a deeper discussion with my kids over discrimination, why it happens, and what we can do about it. We had to cut the conversation short because they needed to get to school. Before she shut the car door, my daughter turned to me and said, “Can we talk about this more later? I would really like that.”

In December she saw her beloved Sunday school teacher marry his partner of over 30 years. She wants this for her two moms and for our family .I assured her our wedding would go on as planned. Our local church has spent the past decade

challenging ourselves to become more welcoming. The growth of our congregation, including young families, shows this.

This vote is not about our wedding, but about helping ensure that the people we commune with throughout the national church are afforded the same opportunity as us for years to come – to marry the person they love. To marry each other by exchanging mutual promises, witnessed by a teaching elder

who pronounces God’s blessing upon their union, in front of their community of faith who pledges to support the couple in upholding these promises.

I can tell you this… after twenty years in faithful relationship with Sheila I know we could not be as strong as a couple without our church community. This support makes our family stronger, our community stronger, and our world stronger.

I am so grateful to Judy for attending the meeting in my place and for being brave enough to stand up and share her personal story. There were many commissioners, including my pastor and the honorably retired pastor from our church, who spoke in support of equality. While there were some people who spoke against the amendment, when the vote was taken, the amendment was approved 99-79!

Shenandoah is now one of the presbyteries that have “flipped” from no to yes! I am very happy to be a part of this presbytery.

jeananneWritten by Jeananne Stine, one of MLP’s Regional Coordinators for Ratifying 14f.

Update on 14f

What a few months it has been towards the ratification of Amendment 14F! When February began, 30 Presbyteries had affirmed ratification and 11 had voted against it. In just 27 short days, 70 Presbyteries have now voted yes, and 32 have voted no. This weekend, 13 more presbyteries have held sacred conversations about marriage and vote on whether to affirm a description of marriage in our Book of Order that includes all loving and committed couples. Since 86 yes votes are required for adoption of 14F, we are well on our way to achieving it. However, ratification of amendment 14F isn’t the total sum of our goal. More Light Presbyterians embarked on a journey in our preparations for and following General Assembly to hold each of the conversations we entered with our Presbyterian family as sacred. We knew that if we started a journey that was focussed on sacred conversations, we could begin to reframe the marriage discussion to focus on the lasting covenants that many of our community members share. Ratification of 14F isn’t the end of the conversation around marriage, rather it is an opportunity to reaffirm as a denomination the values of the sacred covenant of marriage that we share.

In February we continued to see Presbyteries that have historically voted against amendments on changing ordination standards, now affirming the language change on marriage in the Book of Order. The Presbytery of the Pines, Lake Eerie Presbytery, Shenandoah Presbytery, Mid-South Presbytery, Pueblo Presbytery, Stockton Presbytery, and Glacier Presbytery have all voted for the first time to affirm an amendment seeking greater inclusion of LGBTQ folks in the life of the PC(USA).

One of the ways More Light committed to the ratification of 14F was to gracefully engage Presbyterians across multiple differences and mobilize a strategic organizing team that helped get every presbytery engaged in conversation. I don’t believe as many Presbyteries would have felt called to vote yes on 14F without the dedication of the MLP Regional Coordinators. They have spent countless hours equipping local teams in Presbyteries to host sacred conversations about marriage. We are so grateful for the work that they have done and will continue to do throughout the voting period on 14F. They are all dedicated Presbyterian teaching or ruling elders who believe in building a church that reflects God’s heart. Our MLP 14F Regional Coordinators are:

Maggie Blankers—Southern Coordinatormaggie
Molly McGinnis—Midwest and Western Coordinatormolly
 Jeananne Stein—Mid-Atlantic and Northeastern Coordinator
jeananne
 Gusti Newquist—Southwestern Coordinator
gusti
 Beth Greaves—Southeastern Coordinator
beth

I Praise, Others Lament: Living Into Amendment 14-f

On Valentine’s Day, Ruling and Teaching Elders from throughout the Presbytery of the Miami Valley (Ohio) ventured out into the freezing weather to gather at Sugar Creek Church in Kettering. The sanctuary, built in 1806, radiates history, with richly colored stained glass and thickly padded wooden pews. Weighed down with printed materials each Stated Meeting of the Presbytery produces, Elder Dennis and I found our seats and began making our way through the agenda. Each of us understood the import of the day: amendment 14-f was on the docket.

The process for this Presbytery has been quite deliberate, with discussion groups at Presbytery meetings and ongoing dialogue within congregations. As a pastor within the only More Light congregation in the Presbytery, I have spoken forthrightly at meetings and encouraged my colleagues to pray deeply and reflect upon the issue. For most Elders, though, the decision had been made long ago and going into the meeting, I was almost certain that we would vote to affirm the amendment to the Constitution.

I am ordained through the United Church of Christ; my parent denomination dealt with the issue of sanctifying same-gender unions decades ago, but the reality of living into has not been easy. In the UCC, roughly 20% of congregations are Open and Affirming (ONA); a great number of UCC members do not identify as “liberal” or “progressive,” and do not necessarily support marriage equality. It is simplistic to break this into a “liberal” and “conservative” issue, or to assume that every congregation within a denomination (or non-denominational churches) will have the same opinions regarding the blessing of same gender marriages. 

In the past year of serving a PC (USA) congregation, I have come to love the Presbyterian Church. I am very proud to be a voting member within the Presbytery and Moderator of our Session; I sat in the Presbytery meeting knowing full well that I was living history. I was also acutely aware that for a number of persons in attendance, the vote was going to be painful. It was going to symbolize an assault to their understanding of the Gospel; it was going to represent a threat to their ability to keep members in the pews, and congregants in positions of leadership.

Debate ensued by the Moderator of the Presbytery separating into two lines; those who wished to speak were each allotted two minutes and offered the microphone in alternating fashion. One minute for follow-up would be provided when everyone had an opportunity to have their say. I hopped right up and was the first person to speak. I said, in part, “Regardless of today’s vote, we remain members of this Presbytery. We belong to the same Body of Christ. For those of you who feel that sanctifying a same-gender marriage is an affront to your religiosity and piety, and you are approached by such a couple, send them to us. We will love them and will speak lovingly of you; we will affirm your stance as in line with our polity, and thank you for being in relationship with us.” Satisfied that I had properly represented my Session and congregation’s position, I sat down.

The discussion that unfolded was heated and passionate, yet civil. However, the emotions were palpable. One man grasped his Bible, reminding me of Billy Graham in the old-time revivals, and said, “Jesus Christ changed my life. I don’t hear people talking about a personal relationship with Jesus anymore. And the churches that are heading down this path are shutting their doors; they are losing people, and so will we. I know Jesus and the cross, and that’s all you need.” I admit, it was my instinct to jump up and talk about how the church I pastor is growing; how our open doors policy is helping people return to the Church on their own terms, feeling the love of God through Christ while affirming who they are made to be in God’s image. But I didn’t. I told myself to listen, to inhabit this person’s perspective as best I was able. It is unsettling to feel that one is losing a spiritual home, to sense that one’s voice does not matter. This is how people within the GLBT community have felt for years: Our voices have often been silenced or pushed to the side; we’ve been told that we will corrupt the Church, that we don’t know the Gospel. Perhaps this is an inexact comparison, but in the meeting I attended, I heard the fear in person’s voices as they quoted Scripture to support their position. What they said was from the Bible, what I heard was, I’m not homophobic. I’m not calling for the stoning of gay people. But my faith leads me to oppose the Christian blessing of marriage.

So my praise for the final vote, which passed 54-19, with two blank ballots and an abstention, was tempered by the lament of others. A number of persons left the meeting before the tally was announced, largely because they–rightly or wrongly–believe that the General Assembly has foisted the issue on congregations, leading to the perception that the individual votes of Presbyteries are meaningless. In other words, with the GA indicating that Teaching Elders and/or Sessions have the right to decide for themselves whether or not they will bless unions the perception is that the GA has taken a stance in favor of equality. I feel palpably the pain of these persons; while I believe that the wording of the amendment allows for each congregation to make its own decision, some see this as equivocation of the Scriptures. They feel that the denomination is veering too far afield. I strongly disagree, and regard the amendment as one that allows for the PC (USA) to remain a “big tent” denomination that respects hermeneutical and exegetical diversity, but the fact remains that there are fissures throughout Presbyteries. For those of us who support the amendment, I think the call is clear: let us reach out to those congregations with whom we have disagreement on this issue, and express our understanding of their position and see how we might be of service to help them live their stance on same-gender marriage but not do harm to couples who approach them. 

The amendment, for all its strengths, has a major weakness: people outside of Presbyterian polity may not understand that individual congregations get to make their own decisions. I am approached several times a month by persons who do not attend church but who wish to be married within a sanctuary and with the blessing of an ordained member of clergy. Within the GLBT community, this task can be quite daunting and intimidating; it can be a risk to approach a church if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. That is why it is so important for those of us who serve or worship within congregations to reach out and establish relationships with communities that hold different views.

As I left the meeting, a very large man hustled up to me. I admit, his size—6’6”, built like a linebacker—intimidated me. I am a sizable guy myself, but the handshake made my hand look like that of a toddler. He looked down at me and said, “Thank you for providing us an option. I will be calling upon you.” It seems clear to me that most of our Presbyterian brothers and sisters are not looking to do harm to members of the GLBT community, but they remain steadfast in their conviction that the Gospel does not allow for same gender marriage. Most likely, we will never convince them otherwise. And that’s fine. What we can do, though, is offer our love, our support, and our services so that as a denomination we can make this amendment work. We also must accept that some congregations will not take the offer; they will have no interest in supporting same gender marriage in any way, shape, or form. Again, this is why communicating clearly on our websites, promotional materials, and within the GLBT community which churches are affirming. 

In the end, Jesus is clear. We are to love one another. If we can’t do this within the Body of Christ, how can we ask others to join us?  

A View of Marriage: Overture Advocate Tim Heart-Anderson

I’m Tim Hart-Andersen, Presbytery of the Twin Cities Area.

As a pastor in a marriage equality state, our present interpretation of the Book of Order prevents my treating all members alike.
Don and Kent. An elder and a deacon. Together for over a decade.
Rick and Terry. Choir member and usher. In worship every Sunday. Together for thirty years.
Sara and Carrie. Young adults, new members with a daughter just baptized. Together for five years.

I serve a growing 3,000 member church in downtown Minneapolis. These are my people, and there are many, many more. They worship. They teach Sunday School. They give generously. They visit the sick and pray with the grieving.
And they love one another.

Nothing in scripture or in our reformed understanding of the wide-open grace of God stands in the way of their lifelong commitment being recognized by the church as marriage, except the way the church interprets the Book of Order.

When I do weddings I always talk about the Presbyterian emphasis on the covenantal nature of marriage. I talk about the gift of love enjoyed by the two being wed, and the Giver of that gift.

It breaks my heart as their pastor that our church will not allow me to use that language, rooted in our tradition, in a service of worship uniting parishioners in marriage. It’s time for us to catch up to the gift God has given them, to name it, and to bless it.

Marriage: My Story

Here we go:

I am one of those women who has been planning her wedding since before she started dating. My Pinterest board can attest to this. I wanted a long, lace,appropriately modest dress and calla lillies. Since I am a product of the church, I have also dreamed about having the pastor that I grew up with and my current pastor doing the ceremony. I would walk into the church accompanied by one of the hymns the resonates in my soul. It would be a full church service complete with confession of sin and a sermon. My new spouse and I would serve communion to all of our guests.

I eventually met my person, the person I chose to share my life with. One morning in Febuary after we returned home from church, she gave me a ring and asked me to be a permanent part of her family. The immediate answer was yes, although we weren’t sure what it meant to be engaged in a state and in a church that would not marry us. For about a year, I wore a ring and didn’t plan a wedding. Eventually, we decided that we wanted the growing number of legal protections that a legal marriage offers. We had a small service with just our families in the city hall of Cambridge, Massachuesetts. The city clerk said her magic words and we were married. There was no communion, no prayers, no benediction. It was as if the church chose not to attend my wedding. Even with all my theological training, I had to be reminded, more than once, that God can was there, even if the church was not.

It was always our intention to have two separate ceremonies, one legal and one religious. Most couples go through two parellel processes. Just there tends to be 30 minutes between signing the papers and the blessing of the church. We are at two years and counting. I still hope to get my beautiful wedding with a long lace dress and an enormous cake. I want to walk down the aisle surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses. We have been waiting for the church to affirm same-gender marriages for two years. It seems like our time may be getting close.

Folks have asked me why I am waiting for this church that does not have room for my family. There are several denominations that would welcome us in without a second thought; I could have my two bride wedding next week. It is true, other denominations would welcome me in and I wouldn’t have to wait for and struggle with the PCUSA. However, the PCUSA raised me and taught me my faith. I see her like a mother. If my mother needed me to wait so that she could joyfully and fully attend my wedding, I like to think I would wait for her. I am committed to this family, come good or bad. Although the call may change, for now I feel called to stick it out with this group. To walk together through the struggle.

In many ways, I am one of the lucky ones. I have been half-married for two years. There are couples I know who have been together for decades and have longed year after year for their church to officially recognize their covenant. Hopefully, I will never have to explain to my future children that our church that we love does not recognize our family that same way it recognizes Aunt Amber and Uncle Aaron’s family. There are people in our churches who do have that conversation with their kids.

I am working to help pass amendment 14F so it is clear in our polity that families like mine belong. I’m working so couples can have a church wedding, regardless of what state they live in. I am working because I have hope for this church and I can’t wait to have my love recognized by the folks who raised me in the faith. And I want a long lace dress.

 

Beth Greaves is a regional organizer for marriage with More Light Presbyterians. Beth has her M.Div. from Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, Georgia.