Marriage As Commitment

We're committed to spiritual, ordination and marriage equality for persons of all sexual orientations, gender identities or other human differences. Gender is not the determining factor for everyone with regard to their identity, who they fall in love with, making commitments in relationships or how they create family. Not long ago we thought that racial identity was a determining factor in life, love, relationships and marriage. Interracial marriages were even illegal in our country. We stand on the side of love and faithfulness when it comes to marriage.
 
Third Way, a Think Tank in Washington, D.C., believes that the LGBT community should talk about marriage as a lifetime commitment in addition to rights and benefits like tax advantages, hospital visitation, or sharing a spouse’s pension. Our Directory of Worship says, "Marriage is a gift God has given to all humankind for the well-being of the entire human family...In a service of Christian marriage a lifelong commitment is made." We believe that the Church has an opportunity and a responsibility to offer wisdom and ethical guidance in all matters of life and faith including love, sexuality and marriage without regard to gender or other human differences.

From the Third Way Op-Ed in The Advocate:

There are three reasons that setting aside the rights argument in favor of talking about lifetime commitment is crucial.

First, most Americans don’t think about their own marriages in terms of rights. Although marriage provides important protections for families, the institution and the ideal of marriage transcend spousal Social Security benefits or joint tax filing. When asked to describe marriage in their own words, people in the middle use words like “commitment,” “responsibility,” “fidelity,” and “a big step.” And when contemplating why couples like themselves get married, they overwhelmingly say it’s “to publicly acknowledge their love and commitment to each other.” The description of marriage that Americans most frequently cited in another round of our research was “a lifetime commitment between two people through good times and bad.” There is a stunning consistency among these responses—and the shared theme is commitment, not rights.

Secondly, understanding that gay couples want to marry for similar reasons as other couples do—to make a public promise of lifetime commitment—drives support for allowing us to do so. Those who thought gay couples marry for commitment in our most recent poll were substantially more likely to support allowing those couples to marry; in fact, a whopping 3/5ths supported marriage, while 3/5ths of those who believed gay couples marry to get a basket of rights opposed it.

Third, if we continue to identify a lack of rights as the problem, civil unions may continue to be the answer for many in the middle. While there are differences between the rights afforded by state civil unions and marriages, continuing to argue that what we’re after is the 1138 federal rights of marriage gives those who aren’t comfortable with allowing gay couples to marry an easy out. We’ve heard it over and over again: “Give them all the rights of marriage, just don’t call it marriage.” And if we’re asking for rights, why wouldn’t we be satisfied with that answer?

Instead, using a framework of commitment shows what is really at stake. It isn’t about pensions or tax forms—it’s about joining the tradition that plays such an important role in American families, communities, and society. It’s about making those solemn vows in front of the people you care most about, promising to be faithful to your partner for the rest of your life. And it’s about having your friends and family pledge to support you in that sometimes difficult task. Those deeply personal, admirable, and incomparable promises just can’t be approximated with some made-up legal category.

The Right to Love: An American Family

Jay Foxworthy and Bryan Leffew provide a window into what commitment looks like in a same-sex marriage. In response to California’s passage of Proposition 8, the couple used YouTube to show the world what a gay family with two adopted children looks like — a message that resonates this National Adoption Month. They have taken these videos and created a documentary called The Right To Love: An American Family.

Here is the trailer: